Castle In Love and Rage
by Marmite Jones
Summary: Set immediately after Season 3 finale with use of season 4 hints. Beckett is in hospital and Castle is with her as she wakes, unaware of a confrontation he had with Josh. Reviews Appreciated, will be an ongoing story.
1. Chapter 1

Castles hand gripped something small, metallic and obviously strong. The grip was frighteningly tight, his hand white from the pressure he was mounting on the object. Squeezing ever tighter as imagery coursed through his head. Her laugh, her smile, her quick and always sharp retorts. _Her blood_, _so much blood._ He felt the rage swell in him.

5 Hours had passed since the shot rang out and Castle wasn't fast enough. That alone sent his mind into a fury. No one in the waiting room, bar his daughter and mother, had approached him. They had all seen it, Lanie had even heard it. _I love you_ _kate _and now some hired gun had placed her on a table with a gun shot wound. He knew he'd been irrational, how his actions to try and take a bullet would undoubtedly have upset Alexis and his his Mother, but he would not have been able to undertake any other action and they knew it.

Jim Beckett sat on a chair directly opposite from the writer, who was incapable of even beginning to form words to describe how the man looked. He was stone cold. As if he would not allow himself to collapse until his little girl was safe. Again, the rage. He looked towards his hand. Loosening his grip to reveal Beckett's badge. The doctors had released that, along with her gun and personal possessions to Esposito, Ryan and her father. Esposito had handed him the badge and just nodded. The meaning of his actions to deep for Castle to put into his normal narrative that helped with these kinds of things. _These kinds of things?_ It sounded like this was a normal occurence, but it wasn't. Castle was a trainwreck. His head was falling to pieces again, he could feel the tears building up and he only had one solution, he stood and scampered his way towards his daughter. The usual cocky swagger was absent from his steps as he wrapped himself around his daughter.

"Dad?" She herself was nearly in tears, but held it together for his sake. Ryan had suggested she go home earlier on and she had snapped at the detective, stating that as long as her father was upset and Detective Beckett was in surgery, she would not be going anywhere. In her fathers arms she could feel how erratic his breathing had become. She was without a doubt the rock in his life. The relationship they had was incredible, even for a father-daughter relationship. She kept him steady and true while he provided the light-hearted love, fun and wisdom that she needed in life. He began forcing back the sobs as he took a step back, hearing footsteps. A surgeon stepped through the double doors of the wide corridor like room.

"Mr. Beckett." The removal of his mask revealed to Castle he face of none other than Josh Davidson. "I've just overseen the surgery, Kates stable, shes out of the worst." Castle stood with the group behind Jim, who allowed himself to feel again, his shoulders slumped and his entire frame shook, the last few hours of nerves, worry and sheer desperate pleas with some greater power came crashing out of him, Lanie and Martha taking the task of seating him and calming him.

Castle stepped toward Josh, pratically squaring up to the surgeon who showed so very little emotion at the situation. Logically, he was merely using his training to surpress his feelings so he could actually help Kate, but Castle didn't care. He had questions. "Where were you?" The venom in his voice was almost masked by the cracked dryness of his throat. _Almost._ "Excuse me?" Josh was taken aback by the comment, responding exactly how Castle thought he would. "The hospital needed me, I'm a surgeon Cast-" He didn't get to finish his sentence before Castle opened fire. "Working? Your girlfriend's mentor, close friend, captain, **hero** dies and you work through his funeral when she needs you most?" Josh had become quickly irritated with Castle, who in his mind was just competition, he knew exactly how Kate felt about Castle, he wasn't stupid. But that didn't mean he wasn't going to fight for her however. "Some of us have responsibilities, we can't just drop everything on a whim." Before even realizing, Josh was gripped by the collar of his scrubs, his back against the wall. "A whim? A goddamn whim?" Esposito and Ryan didn't move. They didn't need too, they themselves were in complete agreeance with Beckett's shadow. Castles grip loosened. "Get out." Josh had nothing to say, his argument had been ripped apart through a poor choice of words and a even more poor choice of priorities.

Kate would have squirmed, if it didn't feel like she was squirming within an iron maiden. Pain wracked her upper half and her head was reeling. Her eyes rolled to her right handside, it took her less than a second to realize who it was. "Castle." But something was off, he was scruffier looking than usual. His hair was matted, bags under his eyes and at least a few days worth of facial hair rested on his chin. "How long..." She couldn't finish her sentence, but she didn't have too. As he moved a little closer, she realized her hand was warm, gently wrapped in something a little larger than her own, and softer than she had expected it owuld ever be, Castle's hand. "Four days, you've been in and out of consciousness since surgery but they took you off the heavier medication last night. Do you remember anything?" She remembered something, a loud band, a sharp pain and those baby-blues, full of fear. His voice saying something he had always deep down hoped for, and then nothing. "No." She lied, smiling gently as though to say she didn't remember the pain of being shot. "Liar."

He smiled gently, his thumb gently moving against her skin. Regardless of the pain, right now she wanted to take the fear and pain out of his eyes. She didn't like it. The one thing she could always count on was his happy, relaxed attitude and incredibly annoying conversation. She loved it, but it wasn't there and she just hurt, all over. He groaned and moved ever so slightly. Either the injury wasn't as bad as she feared or she pain was centered in one place. "How do you feel?" Castles voice was soft, like it had been the first time he stayed in her loft and they had drank a bottle of wine between them, or every time the word "Always." Escaped his lips. She replied almost instantly. "It hurts, but I'm alive, and I'm thankful for that." Kate had always been a strong one, personally, she was very aware of how close she had come to death, but she refused to let it take a great emotional toll on her. Whether it was the meds or the man next to her, she felt a great deal better than she guessed most people did after being shot. Jim Beckett appeared in the doorway, noting his daughter's conscious state he made his way to the opposite side of the bed, her eyes following him. "Katie.." His voice was still shaken. Like Castle, he had not left the hospital. The two of them had camped out in the small hospital room, being brought food and clothes by Castles family and the other detectives. Lanie had also been a regular fixture between more normal hours. Rick, who had calmed down considerably, had returned in his own head to using his first name, his second name was reserved for angry self-doubt and comments about his own arrogant charm. He stood up gently, and nodded to Beckett Sr. "I'll give you two a moment." His fingers slipped from Kates hand and a pain nearly as great as getting shot hit her, this did not get by her father unnoticed.

"Thats the first time he's left this room since we were allowed to visit. Well, except for the toilet." Kates eyes widened a little as her father, like a mind reader, fed her some water. "Four days? Why has he been here that long. What about Alexis, Martha." Her father shook his head at the raspy and quiet comment. "They've called by for an hour everyday. He's just sat there, your badge in one hand, your hand in the other. Staring at you or the badge the whole time. It may not be the right time for me to say this as your father but my god Kate if you don't tie him down soon I am going to ground you for life." He smiled gently as he saw her blink then look downward, he knew it wasn't that simple but the small smile on her lips let him knew at least she was happier. He didn't want to think about what could have happened. It was always a worry, one that he got himself throuh by repeating the words "But it didn't happen, and shes a stronger person for it." He wasn't going to start up the argument about how dangerous her work was, or the fact digging into her mothers case was far too dangerous. Nothing he said would phase her. He could feel the emotions from his wifes death resurface a little. His wife, now his daughter. If he knew who these people were, he would have retribution. He sighed as he gently placed a kiss on his daughters forehead. "The doctors say you should be out of here by next week. You're recovering quicker than they could hope for and your good physical condition has meant something about above average muscle repair rates or some jibberish. Josh overlooked the surgery and hes been in once or twice." The last words he spoke were tainted with the same venom that he had heard Castle use four days ago. He was goddamn angry that his daughters boyfriend hadn't shown his face more than three times in four days. Nice guy or not, that wasn't something he could recover from. "I'll get Castle, this old mans tired and is actually going to go home for a shower and some food. Get some rest Katie." She knew from this point alone how much trust he had for Castle, leaving her in his care (well maybe not completely) while he went undoubtedly to have a good cry and shower. As he disappeared through the door Kate felt the rush of butterflies that in her current state made her feel sick as Rick entered the room. _Rick?_ since when did she call him that when she wasn't making angry point or expelling him from her life in fury? She caught his eyes, holding the same look as he looked over the IV, monitor, and various machines. Reminded of his words thanks to the sheer amount of care and fear in his eyes still. _I love you_.


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors note; Okay so I had really big response to my first chapter and was a little blown away! So here you go. Chapter 2! My inspiration was running a little dry and its a little bit broken and not too 'right' for me this chapter, but after about 20 zillion re-writes this is the best I can do I believe! The last two chapters were written with a little help from some whiskey and sombre music so...apologies! I promise that it will improve in the future. This chapter was also mainly to get the shit stuff out of the way._

Castle wasn't there when she awoke, which immediately made her panic. Although she had no real idea why she was panicking, the chances were he had merely gone to relieve himself or get some coffee. What made her squirm even more was the person who entered the room next. Josh. She was up for this at all. This act they always put on, like everything was perfectly okay and they were happy. She was thinking of someone else or talking about someone else and he was hating her for it. She raised her eyes to meet his and flat out questioned his appearance.

"Why are you here?" She was tired of it. The meds had her groggy, like she was drunk and the fact she didn't have her partner close by irritated her further. She knew it wasn't Josh's fault, but he had promised to be there more when she needed it and he had made no such attempts. He was showing up after the fact, constantly. Unlike a certain manchild who was constantly in her life. Living up to his name and being like a fortress that she could rely upon at all times. Whereas everything about her and Josh's relationship suggested otherwise. Castle had been right on every count in her flat that night. She was hiding from happiness because she was scared to lose it once it was there, but being shot and seeing Rick's eyes like that, it changed something within her. To him, he had found that happiness by just being with her when he could and she had ripped it from his chest without even thinking. Josh shook his head lightly and resumed eye contact with her. "I'm sorry, that I can't keep my promise." Kate knew that look, of utter defeat. Her relationship with Josh was a trapize act, as long as Castle didn't push too hard it worked fine, but now, he wasn't even pushing, he didn't have to. Everyone had seen the way Rick looked at her in the last few days and he wasn't going to hide it anymore, and with the way it made her feel she wasn't sure she wanted him too. Josh had resigned himself to the fact, he couldn't compete with Castle, not on a physical level, but on an emotional one. "I should go." He stood up, scooting between the bed and chair before stopping at the door. "It would mean alot if we could remain friends Kate." He smiled, and she returned the gesture, knowing it was unlikely as he left her side.

It was another two or three minutes of refreshing silence before Castle entered the room with a large black duffle bag in hand. Followed closely by Lanie, Esposito, Ryan and Alexis. She was already aware her father was staying with Martha in the loft. Even if Castle didn't she was. Lanie immediately sat down in what had quickly become Ricks seat. _Castle_, not Rick. He was Castle. Lanie began to speak as the boys at the foot of the bed seemed to make themselves comfortable against the wall. Alexis taking a pugh next to the bed. The toughened detective took Alexis' hand in her own and seemed to reassure the teen with a smile as Lanie continued to talk about the doctors time line of recovery for Kate. Another three days in the hospital before she could leave, but she'd have to stay someone who could support her weight, be around the place 100% of the time and have plenty of space. There was only one person who could fulfill all those requirements, and the smug grin on his face meant he knew it. She bit her lip lightly as Lanie finished speaking and she caught Castle's twinkling eye.

Rick's hand placed the duffle bag containing his laptop, various books, DVD's, and board-games on the floor as the next few hours passed. Lanie and Esposito left first, and Ryan stayed a little longer to sit and talk with Beckett and Alexis about his wedding plans, and his definite intention to have all of them in flowing dresses. He stood, said his goodbyes, warned Castle to 'play nice with mummy' then left. As he reached the door however he stopped slightly and turned to Alexis "Wanna ride home?" She blushed and looked to her father, then Kate. "Actually..I brought some extra money for a cab ride..I was hoping I could stay with you two for a while? Grams been driving me crazy and well-" She didn't have to finish the sentence before Kate had said yes. She was well aware the teenager missed her father, what she wasn't aware of, was how much the redhead was worried about Kate.

They spent the next two hours watching 500 Days of Summer. Both Beckett and Alexis had seen the movie already, but Castle hadn't. He found himself both smiling and feeling far too relatable with the male lead at times. He caugth Becketts eye several times, while Alexis had pulled her chair to the other side of the bed and let her head rest on her fathers shoulder. When the movie finished she popped it into the case and left it for the two to watch if they felt they wanted to again. Although Castle couldn't bring himself to admit he'd rather read a bad review on his books than see the heart-wrenching occur in that movie again. His fingers had found themselves in Becketts hand again. She had long since stopped fighting it. That bullet had brought her closer to death than she ever wanted to be again and she had done nothing but think about what she would miss of her life since she woke, everytime the list was the same. Her father, then Castle, then everything else. Her fear of happiness and losing it was slipping away, she could feel it. She didn't know how, or why, but it felt like he was the cause. _I love you._ She couldn't forget it. She questioned herself, as always, that it may be the meds, dulling her feelings and letting them mix into one, but she doubted it was that intense. Castle was smiling, and she didn't know why. It was a little unsettling sometimes, the way he watched her, but recently she found it endearing. She pulled with her hand until he was practically leaning over the bed.

"Kate..go to sleep." Castle was practically over the bed but she kept pulling. "Take your shoes off." At first, it didn't fit into his brain what she meant, even as he kicked his boots off and she pulling hand to the other side of the bed, his body so close to hers. He could feel her heat, her breath against his face. The cherry scent that lingered around her made his lips curl as she dragged him onto the bed. "Kate, you-" She cut him off instantly. "For once, please just be quiet." Her voice was low and soft, pulling him onto the bed and curling herself, or what she could, with the pain she still felt, against his chest. Castle's arm was resting on her waist, where the pain wasn't present. Within the next few minutes he felt her head bob gently as she nuzzled his chest, falling away into a dream state and, before he knew it. Castle had too. A smile across his face.

_Authors second note(!); After reading several other fanfics I decided it was time for one where Kate, like the strong woman she is, doesn't break down and cry at ever oppurtunity. I love the other fanfics but I thought she was painted alot weaker than she really is written in the show! I think I'll show her vulnerabilities soon but I wanted to insert some fluff! Hope you enjoy. Reviews welcome :D _


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